A Wish List

Tonight I was browsing Amazon, as I am wont to do of a Sunday evening. As I found items that I quite liked the look of, but didn't want to buy immediately, I sent them to my "Wish List". Clicking merrily away, I got to thinking: What is my Wish List for my weight loss?
In my determination to shed those unwanted pounds I realised that I haven't really considered the specifics of what I really wanted to achieve. All I wanted was to Lose The Weight, to exchange the scary big number on the scales for a slightly less scary one. Of course this is a very common goal shared by many, and  certain benefits of taking this course are well documented - to look better, to feel better, to wear smaller clothes. But these are too generic for me, I am starting to realise that I need to explore the specifics that will motivate and push me further towards my ultimate goal. To me, to simply choose the aforementioned generic objectives would be akin to attempting to put "a fictional novel" in my Amazon list. In fact, it's probably as useful to me as when my husband asks me "what would you like for your birthday" and I reply "Oh just get me something nice". Without being a little more specific I am setting us both up for potential frustration. The same goes for my weight loss journey. If I don't tell myself what I want to achieve, I will always have the get-out clause when I don't reach my target. Just as I couldn't blame my husband if my birthday pressie fails to ht the expectation mark.
So I am going to commit to text some very specific goals that I want to achieve. I am not talking numerical or temporal goals, these are little milestones that I want to pass sometime soon.....

• I want to live a long and healthy life without fear or trepidation at every little twinge in my chest (which is probably just gas).
• I want to walk into the doctors surgery with my head held high, and not with shame that I will probably receive another warning, or that every health condition will be blamed on my weight.
• I want to learn to enjoy vegetables, and actually choose to eat them.
• I want my children who are still pretty veggie-phobic to see me making healthy choices and follow my example.
• I want to take part in sports with my kids, maybe even participate in sporting events with them.
• I want to be able to fit in a wet-suit so I can go swimming with the kids on holiday.
• I want to be able to wear clothes that stop at the knees and be confident to show off my legs, knowing they don't look like overstuffed sausages.
• I want to wear knee-high boots without having to buy them from 'speciality shops' that cater for larger calves.
• I want to be able to walk in high heels without feeling crippled.
• I want to wear sleeveless tops and not want to hide my arms.
• I want my original wedding and engagement rings to fit again.
• I want to wear pretty bracelets that drape around my wrist, not fit my arms like handcuffs.
• I want to go shopping and check the style of the clothes first, instead of looking to see if they actually have my size.
• I want to come off, or at least reduce my hypertension meds.
• I want to join my friends in doing a walk (or even a run?) for charity.
• I want to roller skate!
• I want to be able to sit, and fit, in any seat - anywhere.
• I want to never, ever have to ask for the seat-belt extender on a flight again.
• I want to sweat less.
• I want to snore less.
• I want to never again have to worry that the bunch of laughing teenage lads I have just walked past are actually laughing at and mocking me because of my size.
• I want to enjoy a meal out, and not just anticipate what's for dessert.
• I want to be offered something sweet and be able to, sincerely, say 'No, thank you'.
• I want to pose for photographs where I am not standing or hiding behind someone to conceal my size.
• I no longer want to be "The Fat One".
• I want to no longer be afraid of failing.

I am sure that I will be adding to this list as I, hopefully, progress through my journey. And no mention of numbers or timescales. The weight I have gained is a symptom of my distorted attitudes and self esteem, and I should not treat it as the cause. I am working on the cause, learning to deal with issues and concerns without the aid of food. It is a steep learning curve, but right now, I am willing to do this. I hope this determination stays with me.

Wish me luck....