Multiple Maintenance Metaphors.....

It’s been nearly three months since I posted an entry in the blog, when I explained how I arrived on “the island”. A fair few things have happened since then, a few ups and a few downs.

The biggest “up” is that I found myself featured in two national newspapers, in articles about my weight loss. This came about when my consultant recommended me to be featured in a photo shoot in Cambridge Weight Plan’s in-house magazine. Cambridge publicity department had other ideas, they wanted me to “go national” and I was referred to a journalist, who through a telephone interview, got me to tell my story. It was really quite cathartic, especially the part where she asked me to catalogue my average daily consumption before I began this weight loss journey. As I started thinking and reeling off the calorific treats I used to mindlessly stuff down I began to be quite horrified – no wonder I ballooned to 24 stone. It was really quite shocking, but at the time I chose to pretend that I didn’t care. Of course, the reflection in the mirror would occasionally jolt me but then I just avoided mirrors.

I much prefer this “image” in the “Mirror”:
http://www.mirror.co.uk/lifestyle/dieting/success-stories/mum-loses-half-bodyweight-after-8340715

I was expecting a small article tucked away in the corner of a page, imagine my shock when I found out I was a double-page spread right in the centre of the newspaper. A laminated copy now graces my fridge to remind me to keep on track.

And, boy, do I sometimes need reminding…..

Have you ever noticed that all fairy tales end at the princess finding her prince, marrying him and then “they lived happily ever after”? Well, I’m going to call Bullshit on that. I have no doubt that Cinderella and her Prince have some wonderful days after the lavish royal wedding but don’t try to convince me that there aren’t times when His Highness comes back from a hunting trip, late for dinner and a little worse for wear, to face a very angry Cinders who has been left alone in a palace with nothing but a couple of mice for company.... And what happens when Snow White’s woodland friends go on strike leaving her to contend with cleaning up after seven unruly little men all day whilst her hubby jets off on some ‘diplomatic visit’? Yes, fairy tales are great, and they document the fact that heroines (or heroes) have to go through some struggles to achieve their dreams but the fact remains that they don’t tell the whole story. Not by a long shot.

So here I am, the Princess that achieved her Dream. The Shoe fits (as do many other items in my new wardrobe) and I am living my Happily Ever After. Except I’m not. Don’t get me wrong, I am very happy. I couldn’t be happier. But I am learning that the Dream requires work. Like Sleeping Beauty, it’s time to wake up and put in some hard effort.

Losing weight wasn’t easy, it required drive and determination. It demanded willpower and mettle. I had to row very hard in my little boat to reach that destination of my Paradise Island on the horizon. And it was that goal that pushed me to get there. Come Hell or High Water, I would navigate the sometimes stormy seas in order to be able to sink my toes into the silver sands and enjoy all the bounty that Island Life could offer me. And I made it! I am now on my Island. My Happily Ever After is here…

At first it certainly seemed that way. For the first few weeks after arrival on my island everything was new and exciting. I got to explore, discover new places, and enjoy new experiences. At first, even though I was exhausted from all the rowing, I was too exhilarated from the adrenaline rush of reaching my destination to think about resting, and I cavorted and frolicked around Paradise eager to sample everything that Island Life had to offer. The natives, who I first was wary of, welcomed me with open arms and even hailed me as a celebrity, astounded that I had navigated the vast, unrelenting ocean that extended beyond their cosy little home. It was a wonderful Honeymoon Period. But as happens to all honeymoons, the thrill began to slowly wane. Once the rush of success subsided I began to get tired, I just wanted to bask in the sun, or rest under a palm tree. After a few weeks on the Island I had explored pretty much every nook and cranny, I had found places I loved to visit and learned of danger areas that I should avoid.. I was becoming complacent. Big Mistake. I had convinced myself that I knew all I needed to know about living on the lsland simply from experiencing a few weeks of living there. Foolish, very foolish. The natives, who had once lauded me soon began to move on again with their daily lives and left me to navigate my way through my own path.

The problem was, I no longer had a Goal to attain. I was on that unattainable dot on the horizon, there was nothing more to aim for, I had reached my destination. And that robbed me of my drive and motivation. So I rested on my laurels and began to take it easy…

It is truly foolhardy to trust that once you have achieved one goal then it is easy to stay there. You may strive and struggle to climb a mountain. You may reach the peak and enjoy breath-taking views from the top. But one thing you cannot do on a mountain peak is wander around, constantly looking at the view without minding where you put your feet. There are plenty of jagged edges and gullies just waiting for you to trip into them and send you plummeting back down to your peril. The same goes for living on Paradise Island. You may be fortunate enough to arrive during the heat of the summer, but what are you going to do when Monsoon Season arrives? There are no other islands nearby, besides, you quite like it here, yet you still need a plan to survive.

I’ve already been caught in a few downpours. It was completely and utterly my fault. I saw the clouds looming on the horizon and told myself that I could weather the storm. The praise from the natives and my limited experience of living there convinced me that I was an Island Goddess with the survival skills of Bear Grylls. Now there’s nothing wrong with a bit of self-confidence but you need the experience to back it up. Otherwise it’s just self-delusion. When the storm raged in, I was ill-equipped. The inadequate shelter I had built myself, based on the scant knowledge and time I had was utterly destroyed. Thankfully the Island remained intact but now I had to rebuild a new home. Firstly, I tried the safe way, building it back up to the same specifications that I had tried before, but this was only effective until the next storm blew in. It was then, and only then, that I started to get an inkling that I needed to find a new strategy to construct a stronger, sturdier shelter that could withstand the battering rains and howling winds that blew up on the place I call Paradise. I still want to live here, there are more advantages than disadvantages but I am now realising that I must take the rough with the smooth and I must continue to work hard if I am to continue reaping the benefits. It’s not a truth I like, but it’s one I must accept. As I stand on the shore and look out to sea I realise that I have come a long way. But I also am now trying to understand that if I do not take the right measures and prepare and plan, I could very easily be washed back out to sea by another storm onto another island that is far less hospitable. And the storms will keep coming, season after season. I just have to be ready for them and be prepared to rebuild every now and again.

Sometimes I just want to get back in my boat and row aimlessly, because then I knew what to do. It was just me, the sea and my little vessel. Sometimes it was hard, but all I had to do was row. There was no real other option. I had only two choices – Do or Die. There was none of this having to go off and live a life…On my island there are so many options, so much to try, so many directions I could go.

To come away from metaphor for a while, what I am trying to say is that I have slipped a few times, and seen the scales dropped back to an unwelcome weight gain. Thankfully, there has been nothing catastrophic, but enough to make me think that I need to take measures before that proliferates into something that will become harder to manage. I know where these gains have come from…Moments of “one won’t do any harm” that rapidly snowball into days. Also from Procrastination, telling myself that, as I know how to fix the issue, I can do it tomorrow, while meanwhile carrying on with the behaviours that lead to danger. It’s a foolish attitude to have – complacency – and there is a battle raging within in me, the desire to stay as I am now, pitted against the wish to continue with the same behaviour patterns that I am used to. I am in utterly new territory right now, stood at a crossroads. If I forge on forwards, using the same weight loss plan that gives me the safety and security blanket I have become used to I could compromise my health by not giving my new body the optimum nutrition it needs. If I go back the way I came…well the outcome of that is obvious and I don’t want that. So I have to either go left or right, and I have no idea here those routes lead.

Ok, one more metaphor….Weight maintenance is like driving a car on your own once you have passed your test. Whilst I had my “L” plates on I was dead-set on passing my test. All I wanted was the freedom of being a qualified driver. So I concentrated hard, paid stringent attention to the road, kept my hands at “ten to two”, did my “mirror, signal, manoeuvre” every time. And why did I do that? Not because I believed it would make me a safer driver, oh no. I did it so I would pass my test. It was short term learning, a means to an end. Furthermore, I had the safety net of my driving instructor by my side to tell me when I was going wrong. Passing my test was like reaching Goal, such a buzz and the Gateway to Freedom. Or so I thought. Going out on my own in a car soon became a terrifying prospect. In my eagerness to be a driver I disregarded many of the lessons that my instructor had taught me. Ok, I kept the basics but did I keep my hands at Ten To Two? Did I heck!!! Did I Mirror-Signal-Manoeuvre every time? Nope! Instead, confident in the little piece of paper that deemed me a Competent Driver, I hit the road, radio blasting away, distracted by passengers, occasionally disregarding the speed limit. Gone was the Learner-Driver, rabbit staring into the distance, hands gripped tightly on the wheel. I can see now why insurance is at such a high premium for new drivers. I am very fortunate to have not been involved in any serious accidents, although I had many, many near misses, and heaven knows how many accidents I may have caused by mistakes and inexperience. But the bottom line is, I still have a lot to learn, and my “P” plates must remain on for some time. And now I am starting to understand why I was taught the things my driving instructor told me to do.

Since passing my test I can now do things that I wasn’t permitted to do when I was learning, such as driving on the motorway. The same goes for weight maintenance after reaching target. I can eat whatever I want, there are no real restrictions. However, as with motorway driving, it is sorely tempting to go hurtling along in the fast lane and break the speed limit. And in doing that you risk incurring a speedjng ticket. More by luck than judgement, I have never received a speeding ticket, however I have accrued the odd “feeding ticket”, and for “going over the limit” it cost me a few “pounds”. The thing is, if you get caught speeding too many times, you may end up losing your licence. The same goes for ‘feeding’, although what you lose is arguably worse, certainly for your health. So, for me, I need to learn how to drive safely and work out how to control my urge to put my foot on the pedal with a reckless cry of “what the heck”. These speed cameras are getting sneakier…

Wish me luck….