Find Your Tribe

If you have read any of my previous blogs you will, no doubt, notice that I do love a good metaphor and allegory. My favourite, and most recurrent theme has been likening my weight loss journey to rowing towards and subsequently landing on a Paradise Island.   The Island is the Island of Slim and represents me reaching my weight loss target. Well, for around six months now, I have been living on this island and trying to get used to a new life on strange shores. There have been good days and bad days. On the good ones, I prance around freely amongst the lush vegetation, enjoying my freedom, paddle in the warm crystal waters, sampling the delicious tropical fruits and lavishing in the wonderful feeling of freedom I now have. On the bad days I find myself dodging snakes and spiders, sheltering from monsoons and suffering dreadful illness from eating the wrong kinds of berries. All the time I was rowing towards this little spot on the horizon I dreamed of the perfect little life that I would live when I arrive. Well I am here. Life is good but it is by no means perfect and, regardless of the beauty of my surroundings, danger and treachery still lurk in the shadows. Survival still has to be fought for. I soon learned that I was not alone on the Island of Slim, and that there was an indigenous tribe that have lived here for countless generations. At first I hid from them, unsure if they were friendly or bloodthirsty cannibals. I watched from a distance, observing their behaviour, noting how they survived in the hope that I could emulate their actions and even learn to integrate with them. When I finally summoned up the courage to approach them, it was a relief to find that they were a hospitable bunch, unaccustomed to, and uninterested in the taste of human flesh. They were called The Naturally Slim Tribe. As much as I was in awe of them they in turn seemed fascinated by me. Having lived on the island all their lives they were intrigued as to how I had negotiated the sometimes stormy seas, and on many occasions they asked me to tell them the stories of my adventures. For a while I was lauded as a hero, but soon the stories ran out and my celebrity status amongst them waned. They treated me kindly, accepted me in their village and showed me, to the best of their ability how to hunt, forage, cook and navigate the seasons. I tried my best to learn their ways but their skills came naturally to them, and had been passed down over thousands of years. Survival on the Island of Slim was a natural, instinctive way of life for them, but for me it was daily trial. Physically the natives and I differed greatly, their skin was naturally dark and resistant to the relentless rays of the sun whereas I was pale and susceptible to sunburn. I tried so many times to join them as they frolicked for hours in the sea  but every time I lingered too long in the heat of the day I found myself blistered and sore. I tried countless creams, remedies and covers but soon I came to understand that there were simply times I could do nothing but watch wistfully from the shade of the trees as my fellow islanders continued with their lives. I was a stranger in a strange land. And wish as I might, I was not and could never be one of the Naturally Slim Tribe. I didn’t feel like I belonged. Saddened and frustrated by my predicament, one day I decided to take walk along the shore to the other side of the island. I no longer cared if I got burned. Kicking the sand petulantly under my feet, I pouted and stared out to sea, contemplating whether I should get back into my little boat and sail back to the land from whence I came, where everything was familiar and life was less of an effort. But storm clouds were gathering on the distant horizon and this reminded me of the courage it took me to leave that place to begin with. What if I returned to the Old Land and discovered that I yearned again for my Paradise Island. Would I have the strength to face the journey again? Would I even reach this island or would less friendly currents direct me to a land festered with volcanoes and predators? So I continued on my walk along the shore, wondering if I would ever cease feeling lonely and different.

As I strolled along the beach, my foot hit a strange wooden object half-buried in the sand. I crouched down to unearth it, and as the silvery grains fell away I came to realise that the object was the remains of a boat, very much like the one I had travelled in to this very island. Intrigued, my eyes scanned the shoreline and soon I discovered the bay was scattered with several more of these abandoned vessels, in varying states of decay and disrepair. Knowing that the Naturally Slim Tribe had no interest in leaving the island and so had never built boats or learned to swim it dawned on me that this island was or had been occupied by someone who had also arrived the way I did. As I contemplated this new phenomenon I became aware of several pairs of eyes watching me from the gloom of the nearby jungle.

“Come out” I yelled in a show of false bravado.

“We can’t” came back the reply “the sun is too bright and we’ll get burned. Why don’t you come over here to us?”.

What did I have to lose? I was sad and lonely, felt isolated from my own kind. If their intention was to murder me as I approached then so be it, at least my misery would be ended. Cautiously I tiptoed towards the treeline, and as I approached my eyes became accustomed to the shadows and I saw that there were several figures standing in a clearing. They were just like me, some were short, some were tall, they were varying sizes but, unlike the dark Naturally Slim Tribe, they were all pale skinned. Yet they all glowed with a healthy aura and were clearly thriving well on the Island of Slim. Much to my relief they greeted me with smiles.

One of the group stepped forward. “We’ve been waiting for you to find us. We saw your little boat coming over the horizon and witnessed the determination in which you rowed to shore. Not everyone survives the journey so we were incredibly pleased to see that you made it. Would you like to join us? You don’t have to stay with us and are free to to leave at any time, but you are very welcome here.”

Suddenly all the frustration and exhaustion from trying to fit in with the other tribe washed over me like a rushing wave which knocked to my knees. Picking myself up I was confused and angry. “So you have seen me struggle over these last few months?”

The speaker nodded kindly.

“And yet you didn’t come to rescue me? You could have saved me from all of…” I gestured wildly around me “This!”.

“Save you from paradise? Why would we do that? And besides, you had to come to us. We could not approach you, as you might have attacked us”.

“Well, you could at least tell me who you are and where you have come from. You are clearly not native to the island” I protested.

“No we are not” came the reply “ we arrived  from many different places over many years, but where we have come from no longer matters. What matters is that we are here, and we have found one another”.

I had so many questions: “how did you survive?” “how have you coped under the heat of the sun?” “how did you learn what foods made you ill and which ones were good for you?” “how have you avoided the snake pits and the caves full of predators?”

“It was all a case of trial and error, we learned as we went along. The natives helped us as best they could but there some things that they simply could not teach us. We learned that are not completely like them and could not live the way they do, so we moved away and set up our own tribe. Some of our members left and went back to the ocean, others believed that the rules we devised from our experience did not apply to them and tried to forge their own way ahead. Those were either lost at sea, drowned in the quick sands or consumed by beasts. We have come to understand that if we stick together we stand a better chance of survival. All of us here have made mistakes but because we trust and rely upon one another we share our experiences so that others do not stumble in the same way. And when others fall, we gather to pick them up and nurse them back to health. If you want to continue alone then you are free to do so, but we cannot offer you help if you are not here to ask for it. This island is big, if you fall because you chose to go alone then nobody will hear your cries and you may risk perishing alone.”

“So what made you decide to stay on this island, when it is fraught with so many dangers for people like us?”. I was puzzled.

“Just look around you and see how beautiful it is here. There is no pollution, the food we can eat is plentiful and nourishing. The sun may be bright and sometimes harsh but there are plenty of beautiful trees under which we can shade. The life we are living here is so much better than the ones that we left across the other side of the ocean, even with all its restrictions. Yes, we have to make sacrifices and we cannot live in the same way as our fellow islanders but we are still more fortunate than we had ever been.  Here we are free. Would you like to become part of our tribe?”

“Why would you want me to join you? I have nothing to offer, no experience, no skills to share?”

“Because, once we were the same as you, lost and alone, afraid and unsure. We want to help you. You have skills that you don’t even know exist, this island will test you and you will emerge stronger. But you cannot do it alone, nobody can. And one day, another little boat will appear over the horizon bearing a passenger who needs exactly what youhave to offer. This is how it works for us here. Trust us, you will not regret it”.

And so I joined them.

After months of rowing and then wandering and stumbling in the wilderness I had Found My Tribe.

Life on the Island of Slim will continue to challenge me but now I am confident that with my Tribe I can face and overcome whatever is thrown at us. I wanted to be a Naturally Slim Tribe member but no matter what I do I cannot be one of them. It is not who I am.

But, through exploring the island and broadening my own personal horizon, even if it was borne out of frustration and my last resort, I have discovered people who understand me, with whom I feel I belong.

I have Found My Tribe….

…Now go and find yours…..